We all struggle with budgeting and spending too much but is seems that those of us with ADD have more difficulty than most. The ADD symptoms of impulsivity, trouble with planning, lack of inhibition, disorganization, forgetfulness, and the tendancy toward addictions (like shopping too much) make budgeting painful.
Working with an ADHD Coach can help you put your money issues into perspective. By developing a partnership with an ADHD Coach you can develop structures that work for you and work through the process of managing your money.
A few years ago I was given an assignment by my coach. She challenged me to write a story about my relationship with money. She suggested that I tell the story about money as my lover.
From time to time I have gone back to this assignment. As my feelings, beliefs and attitudes have changed the story has evolved.
I've included my assignment here for you to read and I challenge you to write about your own love affair money.
My Love Affair With Money
by Diane Ladd
The first time we met I was instantly attracted to him and all that he stood for. I was child and barely understood the complex emotions that he brought out in people, especially in me. My parents fought about him quite often. My brother and I would stay in our rooms until the angry voices stopped.
My father held him captive and controlled his comings and his goings. He kept careful watch over him and would not let us get too close. My dad knew that if he lost control over him, we would set him loose. He said it was a sin to lust after him; he said that if I had too much of him, I wouldn’t get to heaven. I am disappointed to hear this; I do desire him, and I definitely want to go to heaven.
My mom had a secret affair with him. She would hide this relationship from my dad so that she could feel some freedom, some control. She would never tell my dad about the things he bought her and hope that he wouldn’t notice. She taught me that this is what women do in their relationships. My mom never cared for him in the way that a woman should. She loved the things that he could buy for her, but time and time again she would let him slip through her fingers.
He liked my childhood friend much more than he liked me. At Christmas time, he gave her more. She always got what she wanted; all she had to do was ask and then receive. My parents called her “spoiled” and I often saw her being disrespectful. I figured, having too much of him spoiled her. I do desire him still; but I don’t want to be spoiled.
At sixteen I was working and able to see him more often, but I made sure I didn’t see him too much. Sometimes I’d have the opportunity to work more, but I politely refused. I guess I just didn’t want him enough. I never thought I would have him. I never felt as though I had a chance because he loved a different kind of girl; one who’s smarter and more organized. I couldn’t seem to work hard enough or stay focused enough.
As a result, I let others care for him, love him and attract him. I have been watching from a distance afraid to get too close. “We are just no good together.” I thought, “I always seem to make a mistake and then he leaves me abandoned. So, if I let others around me care for him, I can be around him, even if my access is somewhat limited.”
Still, I long to hold him and I find myself wondering, “What would my life would be like if I let myself have him?” I know I could love him, the way he deserves to be loved.
He doesn’t want to be held captive and yet, this is a way some chose to know him, but not me. I welcome him to me now, knowing that he will come and go. When I see him leaving to visit others, I don’t feel jealous or frightened. I believe that there’s enough of him to go around. I know that his energy is still with me. I trust that I will see him again and again as he flows in and out my door.
I see no reason to keep this affair a secret. When others see me with him they are happy for me. By witnessing this abundant relationship, they are able to allow their own relationship to grow and to flourish.
I am preparing place for him in my life. I envision us living a joyful life together. With him, I am able to help others achieve what they desire, as well as helping myself and my family. I know now that he is not bad, sinful or evil; and he is not good. He is what I make of him; he is what I believe him to be.
Finally, I can see him on the horizon. He is walking toward me, with his arms stretched wide open. He comes to me now because I am ready to receive him. I am ready to welcome him home.
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